Live fast, die pretty

Winter Break...

Hello,

I am on Winter break (read: I am lazy and would like to have some quality sleep). There won’t be a lot of postings in the next couple weeks. After that, the service will resume

-k

Dumper Wants To Move On..

Dear STV,

Do you believe that a love without hugs and kisses would last long? I did and don't.

We've got along 1 year so far, in which there's 3 months that I was in Hanoi and he L.A, 3 months that I Paris, he Hanoi. And ill stay here for at least 3 years. Everything was so good that there was time that I felt if not him the man of my life, then there coulnt be anyone else (well i know it sounds kinda naive, but you know, love) cos he knows how to love and accept me with all my adv and disadvantages. Im a little eccentric, pretty messed up and really easy-changing. My problem is that I always want to be love and be loved, care and be cared everytime everywhere, I love to be held tight, to be kissed and to be caressed. And i miss him so much that i get easily and often mad with him. When we are apart, i started a fight every 3 days and for nothing !!! Its really exhausting. I decided to leave, knowing that I can never find a man loving like that. Many men like me, but they don't love me.

It hurts, deeper and deeper every single day. That's non sense, I never thought I could be so mawkish and miserable cos of a man. For 2 weeks till now, I stay up thinking until 4 or 5 or even 7 in the morning. What I want to ask you is how to get out of this damned hole I created, it seems Im drowning in my own pale of negative feelings.

-Dumper Wants To Move On

Dear DWTMO,

The S.T.V expects letters like yours from Dumpees because it's rare to see this problem from a Dumper. A break up like yours is tough since everyone cares about everyone else but circumstances (in this case, the distance) bring the relationship to an end. The S.T.V has been there…ahhh.

Long distance to love is taxes and death to life. They take all the fun out of and eventually end it. So, the S.T.V just has to tell you (what you already decided) that your relationship has ran its natural course. Yes, there are exceptions but the S.T.V believes that they are exactly that: exceptions. Like the lottery, there are people who occasionally win and it is fun to think about how wonderful it would be to win, but that doesn't change the fact that a HUGE majority of folks who hope they win the lottery don't. Similarly, the HUGE majority of people who enter into a long-distance relationship with genuine hopes that it will end in happiness are disappointed.

The S.T.V, unfortunately, has no instant medication for your second question. He wishes he had some words of wisdom to tell you and put you to sleep. Think about how much money the S.T.V could make from that. (Side note: Have you seen New Moon, DWTMO? I'm talking about Edward here. Even a 100(s) years old vampire shut down in a broken relationship). The S.T.V wants you to spend one of those nights thinking really hard about your situation. And if the reasons that broke the relationship are still there, pat yourself in the back because you have made a right decision (*).

Assuming then that your relationship with the Charming Prince truly wouldn't have worked and also assuming that it's not a good idea to try again, the S.T.V recommends a third the length of your time together to getting over it. So if you had 12 months, 3 to 4 months is about the right amount. Hang out with your friends, be sad, be wretched, be miserable. Nonetheless, hang out with other people. Exhaust yourself in daytime so that your body will force your brain to shut down for a rest at night.

On the other hand, DWTMO, if you realized you were wrong to set the Prince free, perhaps find an opportunity to talk to him. And if you need some help decoding an I-still-love-you-and-want-to-get-back Dumpee, the S.T.V can be that too.

Take care of yourself.

The S.T.V (smarter.than.vnexpress@gmail.com)

(*) Full Disclosure: Sometimes, however, the S.T.V thinks that logic are made for soul-less relationships.

Got dumped..

Dear STV,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend. I am ok, not sad but I am really confused.

We met during summer, everything was ok but things began to go wrong right after we official got together (i.e Facebook relationship status). He went cold so quick. I felt lack of attention. At one point near the end of our relationship, he even told me that he wasn't in love with me anymore but he still wanted us to be in a relationship. Can you tell me what makes a man become emotionally unavailable like that? Why does he want to be in a relationship with me but tell me he wasn't in love with me?

-Confused

Dear Confused, in order to answer your question with a certain degree of accuracy and usefulness, the S.T.V has done an review internet literature on the term "emotionally unavailable" but he found nothing but psychological jargon. From his own understanding of the relationship language, an emotional unavailable man is someone who is unable to commit emotionally to a relationship.

The S.T.V points that out beforehand because he wants you to differentiates it from someone who is unwilling to commit emotionally. In other words, the S.T.V doesn't think that your boyfriend is emotional unavailable, your ex just didn't want to be emotionally involved with you. Or he is emotionally unwilling. Hence the simply explanation for you is that your boyfriend wasn't that into you, or the relationship.

Of course, the stereotype of men as hunters is often cited because it is often true. When you were a conquest, you were exciting and interesting. Once you had been caught, you were much like a goldfish in a bowl. Nice to have, but no longer something you want to really play with.

The reason for someone like your boyfriend to stay in a relationship is probably what many people's reason is….it is easier than breaking up. However, Confused, the S.T.V is surprised that your ex told you that he was no longer in love with you but still wanted to be with you. That was almost like saying "darling, why is love necessary in our relationship". Brave. Bravo. Dudee!

Anyhow, the relationship has ran it course and it ended. There is no point over analyzing it. Move on Confused.

The S.T.V (smarter.than.vnexpress@gmail.com)

What is this comic saying?

David Foster Wallace grammar challenge

I just spent half an hour on this 

IF NO ONE HAS YET TAUGHT YOU HOW TO AVOID OR REPAIR CLAUSES LIKE THE FOLLOWING, YOU SHOULD, IN MY OPINION, THINK SERIOUSLY ABOUT SUING SOMEBODY, PERHAPS AS CO-PLAINTIFF WITH WHOEVER'S PAID YOUR TUITION 

from a workshop taught by David Foster Wallace 

I got 0/10 and I am preparing a law suit. Who’s with me?

-k 

The seven wonders of the World..

Junior high school students in Chicago were studying the Seven Wonders of the World. At the end of the lesson, the students were asked to list what they considered to be the Seven Wonders of the World. Though there was some disagreement, the following received the most votes:

1. Egypt’s Great Pyramids
2. The Taj Mahal in India
3. The Grand Canyon in Arizona
4. The Panama Canal
5. The Empire State Building
6. St. Peter’s Basilica
7. China’s Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student, a quiet girl, hadn’t turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The quiet girl replied, “Yes, a little. I couldn’t quite make up my mind because there were so many.” The teacher said, “Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help.”

The girl hesitated, then read, “I think the Seven Wonders of the World are:

1. to touch…
2. to taste…
3. to see…
4. to hear… (She hesitated a little, and then added…)
5. to feel…
6. to laugh…
7. and to love.

The room was so quiet, you could have heard a pin drop.

May this story serve as a gentle reminder to all of us that the things we overlook as simple and ordinary are often the most wonderful - and we don’t have to travel anywhere special to experience them.

Enjoy your gifts!

(source)

 

 

Fish..

I was watching a program on T.V last night and it mentioned that no memory is ever truly forgotten. We may not be able to access them, but they stay with us forever. So it means anyone who visits this place will take a part of me with them to the day they are put on the ground. Even if they hate it. Haha. The idea amused me.

Trading isn’t doing me any good service lately. The stock market at home is diving and I barely keep my head above the water there but I feel the pressure has mitigated and the turn could be near. I am thinking about piling up my position. Hopefully, my logic and timing is right.

I shorted gold last week, and jeez it hurt.

I have been spending time reading on cocktails. Back in college, I made a list of skills I would like to eventually master and knowing about booze is one of them. I’m educating myself about the equipments and how to mix an apple martini. FYI, dudes, this is the female cocktail, so you are forbidden to even share the same air with it at a bar. More specifically, this is a “princess” drink. Basically anything with a prefix before “tini” like chocotini or frozen are for the ladies. Also for guys, your drink must never be accompanied with straws, cherries or umbrellas. You should also know that a drink’s masculinity is proportional to the likehood that when a child tastes it, he vomit. Period. They are strong, dangerous and, for lack of better words, disgusting. Ahh…I digress.

I almost bought a fish yesterday. A fish isn’t a pet, it is a decoration, perhaps a piece of furniture. A fish never sleeps with you. Sleeping with the fist, interestingly enough, is an euphemism for being dead. I wonder if anyone needs a fish. I don’t. It’s not that I’m anti-fish or hold grudges against them, I am only pointing out the shortcomings of fish as companions. For example, you can never teach a fish to play basketball. They are afraid of the nets.

The Victoria Secret Fashion Show 09 aired recently. The girls are hot, their bodies are hotter. You probably already have seen all the pictures, but pictures don’t let you appreciate how the boobs bounce….They are available on Youtube, I think. Go ahead, fast. Before stupid copyright laws catch up.

If you could meet any one person from history and ask (s)he one question, what would you wear?

Hello friends, I hope you are well. CFA takers, good luck.

-k

Quick quizz...

When things went south..

Hi S.T.V,

This is a long email. I’m sorry in advance.

I’m certain that you’ve heard of this tale before. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years now. Like most couple, it was truly great at the beginning. We met at a birthday party of a mutual friend. He is smart, sweet, charming, polite, gentle. He is good looking but a little short. I am 1m68, and he is 1m60, but I don’t care.

Recently, things took a turn. We see each other almost everyday, but he complains that we don’t have meaningful conversation, and all we talk about are about other people. In short, I feel lack of romance in the relationship. Nevertheless, I am still faithful. In case you wonder.

I don’t know if this is relevant but his job also took a down turn. He doesn’t make as much money as when we started. He works for one of the big financial companies in Vietnam. We rarely go out and he doesn’t buy me gifts as often. I don’t care, to be honest.

Recently, I got a new job at a major company. In fact, my dream job, but he barely noticed and almost seemed jealous. All I got after I told him the news was “the ah, chuc mung em” and we never talked about my new job again.

Ok, now should I give up? If so, where did we things wrong? And the big one, do you think he had someone else? I know the last one is far fetched but I can’t help thinking about it.

First, the S.T.V tells you he will let the length issue go because your tale is amusing. There is so many pieces the S.T.V has to work with here. He is, first, sad for your stagant relationship, and you’re right, he has seen this (but maybe not in this delicious detail)

The S.T.V wants to get straight to your questions

Should you give up? Probably not, although it will take patience and time while boyfriend rebuilds his career, as well as his self-esteem (more below)

Where did things go wrong? The S.T.V believes that the thing with his job is the main contributor. You said he is no longer making the big bucks. He knows that too. The male ego is a fragile thing. The S.T.V knows that a few male here can’t believe that the S.T.V is exposing this secret, but folks need to know. Now comes another probable problem. Based on height, it seems like your relationship is one of those interesting ones (read: attractiveness mismatch). You are hot, and he is not as hot as you. Hence, your Darling, in a typical male mentality, believes in his heart that he needs to measure up somehow, and the only way is via his high-paying job.

Did he cheat? It certainly is possible that he could have cheated. There is, however, no way to tell.

This is not a question you asked, but the S.T.V thinks you should have. The S.T.V mentioned fragile male ego for a reason, and here’s where all the ugliness of reality comes true. You are hot, and he is a short male. It’s likely that he belives he is dating out of his league and if it were not for his money, he would not be able to land a babe like you. (Yes, the S.T.V knows you will shout this is silly. No, it is not your fault)

On the other hand, the S.T.V thinks there is a chance that your boyfriend went off the stage simply because he could. Time passes and perhaps, just perhaps, he realized his attraction to you wasn’t your sense of humor, your smartness, your sexy habit of wearing no pants at his place, but the attraction was exclusively physical. Then, after one night of deep contemplation and soul searching, the S.T.V is entering vague possibilty land here, he decided that (the S.T.V likes to use cliche shamelessly) beauty is only skin deep.

But at this point, your Darling probably had no idea what to do next. There is no screenplay where a short financial worker dumped a hot babe. How would he explain to his friend? So intead, he is going with something ridiculous like a meaningful conversations to guilt you. Sigh..men.

The truth is that men usually make contact with beauty before brain, simply because it’s how we’re hardwired. But then when reality hits, we don’t always know what to do. Give the relationship another month, if things don’t turn up, get out.

The S.T.V (smarter.than.vnexpress@gmail.com)

Want to talk...

Dear the S.T.V,

I am a girl of your age (don’t wonder how) and have been dating my boyfriend for 1.5 years. Until now, I have avoided talking about marriage because my last relationship went down hill after we “talked”. I met my boyfriend afterward and initially we just wanted to “enjoy life” so we have been just living and enjoying each other. But now, I feel it is time to approach the subject. I am not wild-and-young forever kind of girl, I want a permanent relationship and want to settle down. So my questions are: what is your thoughts about ‘the talk’ at this point, is it too early/late/irrelevant? how should I bring it up in a non-threatening way? or should I keep waiting for him.

A couple of girl friends told me to ask him point-blank and give him an ultimatium, but I am not so sure about that…

It is with a big heart and deep empathy, the S.T.V is going to tell you what he thinks. If the measure of a successful relationship for YOU is one that ends in marriage (the S.T.V chose “ends” intendedly), then you definitely need to have the talk with your boyfriend. The S.T.V would advise against your friends’s though. Rather than throwing an ultimatium and strong-arm your freaked-out Mr. Right to your demand, go with a more delicate route.

The S.T.V recommends you start with asking your boyfriend what are his thoughts on marriage in general. Pick a movie with a marriage sub-plot and watch it together, casually making a comment during the movie. This will tip your hand a little, but won’t (hopefully) send him running like a scared rabbit.

But the S.T.V wouldn’t be smarter than VnExpress if he didn’t tell the additional point. Ask yourself, when is the last time you thought hard about your definition of a successful relationship? Is marriaged really required? Is it about babies? Is it about social pressure? The S.T.V himself personally challenges you to think about your own motivation and if it’s simply “this is what’s supposed to happen”, then the S.T.V suggest you could try finding someone else who also believes the only path to happiness is a shared bank account.

 

Cold Feet

Dear S.T.V,

I found some perspectives in your conversation with Mya and I want to know what you think about my story here.

I’m a 26 year old female and I’m getting married at the end of this year. My fiancee is a great guy, and we have been dating for two years. Everyone thinks we are a perfect match, we don’t fight or anything..etc etc. But currently, I am not 100% sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I know and feel that I should be excited but I am not. This is upsetting me. The thing is that for the past 8 years, I have been secretly in love with someone else. We always have feeling for each other but because he had went to study abroad after high school, it never worked out. He got married too, but I know through a friend that the marriage is falling apart.

I know, I know that I am in way over my head here. But help me. What should I do?

Btw, love all the answers, S.T.V. Keep it going.

The S.T.V himself recently has stopped his commitment to the war on marriage, but for your situation, he thinks the answer is for you not to get married.

However, the S.T.V knows, as he is writing, that you will probably go through with it. Marriage are juggernauts, building destructive power until they sweep through the lives of everyone involved. That said, the S.T.V is going to speak of what probaby is obvious already. If you’ve been in love with a man for almost a decade, who also has feeling for you for some portion of that period, AND that person soon is becoming available, AND you are about to become permanently UNavailable, then disaster is imminent. The S.T.V thinks you should not get married given the current variables. Of course, this will hurt your fiance emotionally and lose you a couple friends, but in the long run, it will be less painful.

Nonetheless, if the marriage proceed, as the S.T.V said it will, you will have to spend some years to let the love for your other Love to fade, while you find your way to appreciate your lawful husband. However, the S.T.V is a wise guy. He thinks that, this will not happen. What will happen is that after the marriage, you will make brave attempts to forget the other Love, but that won’t work. The S.T.V gives you 2 to 4 years before the pressure knocks your out. You are on your way to divorce court or…cheating (in this case, the S.T.V recommends divorce !).

The S.T.V admits he is not happy when he answers your letter. It is sad, but he thinks that the sacred institution of marriage is an archaic heritage from the time when people were willing to be unhappy in their relationship for their entire lives. We say to our friends, family and relatives about commitment/forever as if it is easy while it isn’t.

There, you have the S.T.V’s thoughts. Good luck and let him know how things turn out.

The S.T.V (smarter.than.vnexpress@gmail.com)

 

 

 

 

The ocean scares me

Once you finish reading this synopsis

Swept out to sea by a riptide, a father and his 12-year-old son struggle to stay alive miles from shore. As night falls, with no rescue imminent, the dad comes to a devastating realization: If they remain together, they'll drown together.

try resisting reading the entire story here

New territory

Hi S.T.V,

I have a feeling that you could give me some useful words of advice.

Long story short, I am gay and yet I am afraid of gay people. I am not a social outcast, and I am actually out of the closet longer than most of my peers but….I am terrified of other gay men.

What do you think?

The S.T.V hates to stay up late but your problem seems important, and interesting. The S.T.V also doesn’t know why you think he would be helpful to you, but he appreciates your trust on him.

The S.T.V is writing because he has made nearly all the possible mistakes already and he is also willing to pass the wisdom to his beloved readers (including you). In his infinite wisdom, the S.T.V assures you that you are not that unique. Although the feature of your situation is that you are gay and afraid of gay men, it is still a variant of a larger problem that is there are tons of people who are afraid of their potential success in dating and relationship. You think your problem is different from a straight guy who is afraid of woman? The S.T.V doesn’t think so. The S.T.V assumes that you don’t fear your brothers as if they are going to hurt you. That’s a different story.

The S.T.V hopes that you mean you are somehow lost in approaching the whole dating thing in your tribe. If the S.T.V is right, he recommends you find yourself a good gay friend, the one that got pass where you are right now. Get some coffee, have a few laugh, going out. The S.T.V, however, doesn’t recommend dating this new friend (although in special occassion if there is an irresistable vide, go), because it will defeat the whole purpose of having this friend which is to allow him introduce you to the fun of hang out with people who share “ahem” similar interests with you.

What the S.T.V just described isn’t just common sense. It is also science. A therapy technique called Systemtic Desensitization. Look that up in Google, and dig through the surface a little you will find a fascinating story about the Littler Albert where the community of shrinks came to be embarrased. It is a funny story. That aside, SD is a great and proven way to introduce a scary thing into your life in a non=scary way.

The S.T.V (smarter.than.vnexpress@gmail.com)

 

Happiness, here we come..

I have been spending sometimes thinking about happiness.

Let say we lived in the world of Arabian’s One Thousand and One Nights, and suppose a genie appeared to give you the key to all things you desire. Big house, fast cars, beautiful women, Bill Gate’s credit card, ice cream and a great career. The only thing you have to give him, is that he got to control your schedule.

Now, at first, you might take the deal since, let face it, the perks of the deal are better than all the things you are doing now in your life. But if you are a smarter than a 5^th grader, you will decline the offer. No matter how fun or full-filling the activities you can do if you took the deal, you can only enjoy them if you have control over when and how long you do them. You like ice cream and sex, but you might find out that the genie had allocated you 12 hours of eating ice cream and 3 minutes of sex with a supermodel. I am exaggerating the genie’s cruelty to illustrate a point. I think that in general, doing the thing you want at the moment when you are most in the mood for it makes a gigantic difference in your overall happiness. If you can eat when you are hungry, nap when you are sleepy, and work when you are feeling energetic, I think life can be pretty good.

Next, let make a blank page, and suppose another genie appears and gives you two choices. The first is that he will give you 10M dollars, and everyone you know gets 20M each. The second choice is you get 5M dollars, and everyone you know gets nothing. And to help you make the decision easier, the genie promises he will erase your memory of having make the choice, so guilt will not be a factor in your decision making process.

Economically, the choice is simple. You take 10M and everyone you know (including your ex-s, and possibly their partners) get 20M. But I don’t think it will happen that way. I think you also knew that. Unfortunately and irrationally yet humanly, happiness is a function based on where you are relative to people you know, and also what you have compared to what you think you should have. If you take the 10M, you will be the poorest person you know since everyone you know has $20M. Because you have no memory of making the decision (the genie kept his promise and erased that part), you will wonder what did you do in past life to deserve this unfair treatment from the universe. The ugly truth about us is that our happiness sometimes seems to be maximized by screwing everyone we know while screwing yourself half as much.

Hence, if your friend is unhappy and you want to cheer him up, one way is to put yourself i a bad situation, preferably worse than your friends, to mark down the reference point. Losing $5000 isn’t so painful when the one in front of you just lost $10000.

On another unrelated news, PBO says that he’d like to visit Hiroshima and Nagasaki – a gesture that no sitting U.S president has ever done. Of course, there is a reason they haven’t – it can be seen as a no-vote for the painful decision that ended the bloodiest war in history. I wonder what he is going to say when he is there. I doubt that he will step down from the Air Force One and say to the Japanese that ‘the U.S did it to save lives’ because the will undermine his whole principle about nuclear weapon being evil. Furthermore, last week was the celebration of the fall of the Berlin Wall – probably the most important positive event in my lifetime. The PBO didn’t go to that thing, instead, he offered a video - which amusingly remind me of the kind of thing Britney Spears did when she can’t accept the trophy for some award from the MTV.

Un-usually, the comic today come at the end.

Friends, how are you?

-k

Pushing the Limit

Dear S.T.V,

As a guy, how low and high I can go in term of age to be “socially acceptable”?

Dear Pushing The Limit,

The accepted formula is:

• Lower bound: Your age / 2 + 7
• Upper bound: The difference of your age and the lower bound / 2 + your age round up

so, for example, if you are 20, your lower bound will be 20 / 2 + 7 = 17, and your upper bound is (20 – 17) /2 + 20 = 21.5, rounded up to 22. If you are 30, your lower bound is 30 / 2 + 7 = 22, and your upper bound is (30 – 22 ) / 2 + 30 = 34

The S.T.V assumes you are aware of statutory rape so in case you want to break the tradition and attempt to dive, keep in mind the lowest you can go is 16. The S.T.V makes no claim to the correctness of the number provided so call the police in the area and tell them you want to take a 16 year old to a party and see what they say too.

The S.T.V (smarter.than.vnexpress@gmail.com)