Friends, remember back then when your birthday was coming up. Everything about birthday party makes you feel like an orgasm. You loved the fun, the games, the excitement, the attention, the cakes, gifts..all of it?
And then you turned eleven. Suddenly, the whole world turned around. Cakes are no longer tasty. The birthday party is as boring as daytime television or any small towns in the U.S. Since then, birthday party is a long distance prohibitionist past, something only found in the pages of the National Geographic. To be fair and accurate, from time to time, you still observed your birthdays and went through the emotion, feeling and contemplation about how much you changed, what did you achieve, all those important life questions. You remember your 21, when you was encouraged to suck in 21 shots – one for every hour, and in the emergency room.
These days, birthday is celebrated only when it is absolutely necessary. But even when it is the case, ‘celebrating birthdays’ with you pals, is just an euphemism for grabbing a few beers, having some steaks, or eat-all-you-can sushi buffet. In short, you celebrate birthdays like you celebrate, how shall I put it, Wednesday. There are exception milestones when you can go extravaganza because a few time in life, your birthdays carry weight. The 18th, the 21st, the 30th, and the 70th. For those days, you are given a pass because you probably accumulated enough not-giving-a-****-about-your-birthday points to exchange for a night of total self-destruction.
It is a rule that you never buy your buddy a cake. This is important to remember because it is part of your manhood license to differentiate you from the opposite gender, let call them girls, who still adore the idea of blowing out candles, making wishes, wearing pointy hats and singing ‘Happy Birthday’. No. No. And No.
It is also totally acceptable if you don’t remember your buddy’s birthday because male friendships isn’t founded on ceremony. However, you will not forget your girlfriend’s birthday. In fact, you will not able to forget, even if you try because you will be reminded in a regular basic. Initially, you will get a hint, or a five-month reminder. It sounds like this “hey baby, come look at this new camera. It would make a perfect birthday present”. Next is a three month alarm, in a form of a lovely note with a hidden message that tells you to clear your schedule. Soon come the daily conversations about the big day. At the end, you will remember you birthday like it was tattoo to your forehead. You see it everytime you wake up and go to the bathroom.
At last, there is a finally rule. Always remember and do something on birthdays of family even if you are convinced that there is no correlation between a card and your love for them. Mom, dad, siblings (if you have any). All above rules are breakable. Yet, this one is not.
Anyway, for some reason that I am investigating in my spare time, I am surrounded by a vast majority of people whose birthday is in May. Happy birthday to you, a few people I am certainly privileged to know 
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-k
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