Live fast, die pretty

Beautiful women...

I didn’t know who is Cao Thuy Duong until this morning when I began my daily dose of pictures of hot women in JPEG format. This is the link

Cao Thùy Dương vượt qua nỗi đau bị phụ bạc

“Khi tôi đang thăng hoa trong cả sự nghiệp và tình yêu, nhìn cuộc đời đầy màu hồng thì chính người tôi yêu lại ném tôi vào khoảng không đen tối. Anh có người đàn bà khác, thậm chí còn có con với họ” - Hoa hậu được bình chọn của Miss International cay đắng tâm sự.

…….

the following is based on my admitedlly limited and anecdotal experience plus endless discussions with friends, so I make no claims that anything I am about to write, is 100% definitive. If it is true, great. If not, oh well. Anyway, I’ll make my remark brief.

Cao Thuy Duong is probably very boring and character-less.

Believe it or not, after the first several dates, or began your journey as a happy couple, and after you’ve had slept with each other, you’ll begin to notice the girl’s personality. You’ll even begin to have conversations. During the initial courtship, these “conversations” are masked, and avoided through the magical effect of alcohol consumption. Yes, I don’t doubt that you talked to each other for hours. There were almost no silence, you say words, you laughed, etc..but it your ‘conversations’ were 70 percent flirting, 10 percents gossip, 15 percents lying and only perhaps 5 percent of substance. Replace ‘flirting’ with ‘trash-talk’, you will have the exact ratio of a presidential debate. Only after the flirting subside and the actual conversations begin, you will realize that the gorgeous girl is less entertaining than C-SPAN.

Which, lead me back to the commonly accepted tale that is “hot girls are usually boring”. To save me from angry comments like “I’m good looking and smart…”, or “My girlfriend/sister…”, please add “usually” or “in general” to most questionable sentences that will follow.

In my experience, a good personality is the result of trial and error. No-one is born with a personality. You learn and acquire it through living your life. The problem with hot girls is that this process never takes place because when an attractive girl says something stupid that needed to be correct, our response is often blinded by the fact that she's hot. A beautiful girl will hardly ever meet with rational truth, for no man in his right mind would argue with her. He might argue with an ugly woman and not hesitate to point out that she is stupid, as he has nothing to lose, but with a beautiful woman? probably never. Even in rare cases, when someone does challenge our hot girl’s rationality, it will not register in her mind, because it’s likely to come from an ugly someone.

While people build characters by engaging in enriching activities, reading books, self-reflecting, and seeking company of other interesting people, the hot, popular girl’s only routine of any day is to try making herself more physically attractive. While the ugly girl is at home reading the classics, hence getting uglier, the hot girl is online shopping for the latest cosmetic, or at the beach tanning, getting hotter.

But the good news is even hot girls are capable of pattern recognition. At one point, the babe will notice how short-lived, ephemeral all their romantic affairs have been. She will get tired of being dumped for more uglier, but more interesting kind. She will realize that look is not the only thing because for some reason, nobody keeps her around for long. Which is why you often find once-popular girls in their late prime suddenly trying to take the shortcut to personality. This includes nutcase religion (i.e Scientology), working for charity, silly spirituality (i.e yoga, meditation), etc.. There are many of these instances if you skim through ngoisao or kenh14. I am having trouble getting into the sites at the moment. So I will leave the looking part for you then.

My team won the Champion League yesterday. I heard the song on the radio today. I youtubed the song and found the video funny as hell. All is well.

-k

Go Barcelona !

Guys,

Here is the truth. In life, you will go through many jobs. You will have new clothes, ipod, cellphones, cars, pets every year. And with the exception of a nightmare predicament in which you marry your high school sweetheart, you’ll go from girl to girl (I probably will get into trouble by saying this, but someone must take the bullet for the truth to come out anyway).

As I mentioned here somewhere, almost everything in life is temporary and replaceable. But we do have something permanent, something that stands the test of time. A true, lifelong compassion: your favorite sport team. You are allowed to to have one favorite team for each major sport, and this can never change. You never switch your favorite team. Ever.

Your girlfriend won’t get it. Upon learning the fact, she will look at you with a rolling eyes and inquiry about the time when you told her that you want things to slow down because you have “commitment issues”. In the end, she will drop the classic (or cliche), “it is just a game anyway. Why are you so serious?”. But of course, you must forgive her. You know better. Sport isn’t just a game. It’s a religion. They don’t know how devastated we are at playoff defeats.  The pain, is like military training to our soul. It hardens us, and helps us navigate through life’s dissapointment. To avoid this pain – to point your heart to the popular favorite when your beloved team is losing ground – is to betray your core principles. The man who changes heart can not be trusted. This is the kind of man who flip-flops in business and cheats on his wife. Remember this, ladies.

Anyway, I am off to cheer.

-k

Desperate time calls for cunning measure..

Pick this one out of the mailbox this morning

So, you're in love with one of your friends, but she has a boyfriend and probably wouldn't have sex with you anyway.

What you will need: 1 x knife, 1 x ring, access to a sunbed, the ability to grow a beard.

Step One: Place the ring on your wedding finger and avoid contact with your friend for a month.

Step Two: Stop shaving and use the sunbed to gain a tan.

Step Three: After a month when your beard is full and your tan is noticeable, remove the ring from your finger.

Step Four: Remove all your clothes and break into your friend's house.

Step Five: Use the knife to cut your body in various places. Avoid the face. If possible, focus on your back. The more blood the better.

Step Six: Enter your friend's bedroom and lie face down on the floor. Wait for her return.

Step Seven: When she enters the room pretend to be unconscious. Allow her to turn you over and try to wake you for a few seconds before you open your eyes. The injuries to your body will serve as a distraction to your nakedness. She will be more concerned about your wellbeing instead of fearing the naked man in her room.

Step Eight: When she asks you what's happened you should ignore her questions. Instead you must act confused and ask the date. If it's September 15th she will say 'September 15th' to which you must reply 'No, what year is it?'

Step Nine: Upon hearing the year say the words 'It worked.' Pretend to lose consciousness again for a few seconds, implying that whatever it is that has worked took a great effort.

Step Ten: If your friend is a curious person she will probably ask 'What worked?', even if she doesn't ask this question it is important that you now say the words '(Insert Friend's Name), I'm from the future' in your most deadpan voice.

Step Eleven: Pause for ten seconds to allow the incrediblness of the situation to sink in. There will be no reason for her to doubt your claim, because your beard will make you appear many years older and your cuts would add weight to the idea that you've come from a post-apocalyptic future where a war is currently taking place.

Step Twelve: Raise your left hand to your face. All women are very observant, so your friend will immediately notice the tanline on your wedding finger. If she is educated to a decent standard she will realise that you are married and your ring has simply disappeared, because clothing and other items cannot travel through time. Your nudity will support this.

Step Thirteen: Now comes the hard part - The monologue. In your own words you must give a speech in which you mention all of these key points:

a) You are married to each other in the future
b) Her current boyfriend is dead
c) The world is coming to an end. It's up to you to pick a reason, but I would recommend a war against machines. This whole situation will be backed up by the Terminator franchise
d) In the future your relationship is not going well
e) You've come back in time because you can't help but feel that she would have been happier with her current boyfriend if he hadn't been killed
f) Her current boyfriend is going to be hit by a bus on a day six months from her present. She should stop him going to work that day
g) If she does exactly what you say this current version of yourself will be erased and you will never get married. If she questions this flaw in your time travel logic, because you cannot change the past, simply reference Back to the Future

Step Fourteen: Unless your friend is made of stone she will now be overcome by emotion, especially at your selflessness. Get to your feet and go to kiss her goodbye. It is important that you do this with the confidence of a man who has done this to her many times.

Step Fifteen: There is now no possible way that you aren't about to have sex with her. You're naked, kissing her, in her bedroom, agreeing to erase a version of yourself from history to make her happy. And as far as she knows you've had sex many times in a future that will no longer happen, so she thinks to herself that maybe she should have one memory of it.

Step Sixteen: After having the sex, ask to borrow some clothes then leave.

Step Seventeen: Shave off your beard and coat your wedding finger in fake tan. Carry on as if nothing has happened. There will be three possible outcomes:

1) During the sex some feelings that she didn't know existed are awakened and she will leave her boyfriend for you.
2) Life will carry on as normal.
3) You will be filled with guilt because of this moral grey area where you aren't entirely sure if what you've done counts as some kind of low level rape. You will take your own life by hanging, overdose or wrist cutting.

-k

Birthdays rules for guys...

Friends, remember back then when your birthday was coming up. Everything about birthday party makes you feel like an orgasm. You loved the fun, the games, the excitement, the attention, the cakes, gifts..all of it?

And then you turned eleven. Suddenly, the whole world turned around. Cakes are no longer tasty. The birthday party is as boring as daytime television or any small towns in the U.S. Since then, birthday party is a long distance prohibitionist past, something only found in the pages of the National Geographic. To be fair and accurate, from time to time, you still observed your birthdays and went through the emotion, feeling and contemplation about how much you changed, what did you achieve, all those important life questions. You remember your 21, when you was encouraged to suck in 21 shots – one for every hour, and in the emergency room.

These days, birthday is celebrated only when it is absolutely necessary. But even when it is the case, ‘celebrating birthdays’ with you pals, is just an euphemism for grabbing a few beers, having some steaks, or eat-all-you-can sushi buffet. In short, you celebrate birthdays like you celebrate, how shall I put it, Wednesday. There are exception milestones when you can go extravaganza because a few time in life, your birthdays carry weight. The 18th, the 21^st, the 30th, and the 70th. For those days, you are given a pass because you probably accumulated enough not-giving-a-****-about-your-birthday points to exchange for a night of total self-destruction.

It is a rule that you never buy your buddy a cake. This is important to remember because it is part of your manhood license to differentiate you from the opposite gender, let call them girls, who still adore the idea of blowing out candles, making wishes, wearing pointy hats and singing ‘Happy Birthday’. No. No. And No.

It is also totally acceptable if you don’t remember your buddy’s birthday because male friendships isn’t founded on ceremony. However, you will not forget your girlfriend’s birthday. In fact, you will not able to forget, even if you try because you will be reminded in a regular basic. Initially, you will get a hint, or a five-month reminder. It sounds like this “hey baby, come look at this new camera. It would make a perfect birthday present”. Next is a three month alarm, in a form of a lovely note with a hidden message that tells you to clear your schedule. Soon come the daily conversations about the big day. At the end, you will remember you birthday like it was tattoo to your forehead. You see it everytime you wake up and go to the bathroom.

At last, there is a finally rule. Always remember and do something on birthdays of family even if you are convinced that there is no correlation between a card and your love for them. Mom, dad, siblings (if you have any). All above rules are breakable. Yet, this one is not.

Anyway, for some reason that I am investigating in my spare time, I am surrounded by a vast majority of people whose birthday is in May. Happy birthday to you, a few people I am certainly privileged to know .

-k

Poem For People That Are Understandably Too Busy To Read Poetry by Stephen Dunn

Relax. This won't last long.
Or if it does, or if the lines
make you sleepy or bored,
give in to sleep, turn on
the T.V., deal the cards.
This poem is built to withstand
such things. Its feelings
cannot be hurt. They exist
somewhere in the poet,
and I am far away.
Pick it up anytime. Start it
in the middle if you wish.
It is as approachable as melodrama,
and can offer you violence
if it is violence you like. Look,
there's a man on a sidewalk;
the way his leg is quivering
he'll never be the same again.
This is your poem
and I know you're busy at the office
or the kids are into your last nerve.
Maybe it's sex you've always wanted.
Well, they lie together
like the party's unbuttoned coats,
slumped on the bed
waiting for drunken arms to move them.
I don't think you want me to go on;
everyone has his expectations, but this
is a poem for the entire family.
Right now, Budweiser
is dripping from a waterfall,
deodorants are hissing into armpits
of people you resemble,
and the two lovers are dressing now,
saying farewell.
I don't know what music this poem
can come up with, but clearly
it's needed. For it's apparent
they will never see each other again
and we need music for this
because there was never music when he or she
left you standing on the corner.
You see, I want this poem to be nicer
than life. I want you to look at it
when anxiety zigzags your stomach
and the last tranquilizer is gone
and you need someone to tell you
I'll be here when you want me
like the sound inside a shell.
The poem is saying that to you now.
But don't give anything for this poem.
It doesn't expect much. It will never say more
than listening can explain.
Just keep it in your attache case
or in your house. And if you're not asleep
by now, or bored beyond sense,
the poem wants you to laugh. Laugh at
yourself, laugh at this poem, at all poetry.
Come on:

Good. Now here's what poetry can do.

Imagine yourself a caterpillar.
There's an awful shrug and, suddenly,
You're beautiful for as long as you live

One Tree Hill

The other day, a certain young lady suggested me to check out One Tree Hill. She just started watching the show, and found it enjoyable. Since she is beautiful, I decide to be nice to her. I downloaded the show and began watching. It’s odd though, given that she’s an intelligent girl over the age of fifteen, but I let it go because I was into The O.C back then. It was my guilty pleasure show, for the first two seasons.

The story began six years ago when the talented basketball player Lucas Scott gave the highschool cheerleader Payton Sawyer a life when her car broke down and her boyfriend Nathan Scott, Lucas’s half brother of the same father, refused to come picking his queen up despite being 10 minutes away because he was at the gym. Ever since, “One Tree Hill” is telling the story about how the underdog win the pretty girl’s heart. As much as I admire beauty, I am still a honest person. I made a point never to lie to a girl. Occasionally, I give different of the truth, but never the lie. I care about people feeling.

One Tree Hill is pretty bad. Ignore that all the actors, who are supposed to be highschoolers, look 10 years older, the characters they play are unbelievably obnoxious and the plot is ridiculously absurd. There are moments when I mumbled to myself, pretending that I was giving advice to the characters on the screen because they are acting insane and I feel obligated to give them some input. Once every few episodes, at the moment of predictable and contrived lines about heartache, I tear up because something in the air get in my eyes.

Anyway, talking about OTH makes me want to have a deep conversation about something interesting. Picked this up today, confession of a roommate:

Remember when the spaghetti we had tasted funny. Remember when you thought you tweaked a nerve in your mouth because your mouth was all numb each morning. While you were rubbing it in that you had been hired for your dream job to your concurrent boyfriend, I heard you mention your mandatory drug test. I mixed three whole grams of cocaine into your toothpaste. I also put about an eighth of marijuana into our spaghetti. I know you called all your friends and family over the course of five days to rub it in that you found your dream job; paid summer travel, great salary, great benefits, they were even going to pay for grad school. I know you sold me your truck because you wanted to rub it in that they were giving you a company truck. I know you spent most of the money from the truck celebrating your new job in Homer with your "new" boyfriend last weekend. I know you quit your current job because you were starting the new one in two weeks. I know you own the house, but I pay the mortgage because your old dead end job didn't pay enough. I also know you cheated on me in the house we share. I know you lied when you told me you had cheated and said it was a one time deal. I know you used the condoms I bought. I know you still do, I poked holes in them. I also completely moved out while you were in Homer. I guess the cool thing about paying your mortgage was you never made me sign a lease. I am not going to sell your truck back to you; I'm not going to sell you back any of the furniture I bought. I know you are very confused why I disappeared thinking I had no idea you had been cheating for a while. I know they filled your old job because you told me blubbering and crying in the message you left me about how you miserably failed the drug test and lost your new job after one hour on the job, and you can't get your old one back. I was going to ask you to marry me in June. Fuck you whore, have fun with foreclosure.

Cheated On

yes, I know this sounds like all the best-of-craigslist and fmylife stories in the sense that it didn’t happened but it is still worth probing because it is entertaining. If this is true, our hero probably is facing a number charges and jail time from possession of narcotic to attempted murder. I can imagine this person is someone who was rejected/cheated who wishes he had done this to some girl that didn’t want him. I’ve come in term with a belief that everyone, after a difficult relationship, seeks out revenge by behaving the exact same ways that was done in that relationship. For example, women who were cheated by their boyfriends, often become, for lack of a better words, sluts. Guys, are more emotionally destroyed when it comes to being a cheatee though. I can describe, but I won’t because I don’t want you, my dear readers to infer how I was after a relationship .

Nevertheless, I wondered what did happened to the more common, widely-used solution, releasing your sex tape online though. It has proved successful many times. Also, more believable.

Lastly, I’ve always enjoyed the tale of mere existence, but this new one is topping my chart

Friends, is everything under control?

 -k

STFU Married

I got a kick out of browsing this new site http://stfumarrieds.tumblr.com/, if you know how much I find excessive public display of attention for the sake of getting attention (from other) repellent and flavorless. Be careful friends, if you can’t learn to “hold” back your feeling to your love one, your precious relationship might very likely someday become a subject of amusement for strangers on the Internet.

Here are some of my favorites

 “The guy doesn’t even have a separate account so they just write back and forth to each other in her status.”

 

 

“Apparently she is employed by her fiance. I am not sure if she actually has a real job. They don’t have any kids together as far as I can tell so I guess she is a stay-at-home fiance. I didn’t know those existed. I’m sad that they do.”

Submitted by anonymous - “Apparently her boyfriend works until 11 every night, and she only wakes up in the morning to have 11:00 happen.” (click for enlarge)

 

 

 

Sex

I am not even going to talk about how much money I won yesterday when Barcelona took away the cake from Chelsea the moment Hiddink and his cronies were about to lick the first taste. Let just say, I bet on the draw.

For those who hasn’t heard of Susan Boyle. Go here and watch Simon shits hit pants. She is a fatty (hence, has no human rights) Britain’s Got Talent contestant who sang the hell out of the Les Miseables song and blew everyone off their seat for a standing ovation.

I admit I was a late-comer to the Susan Boyle phenomenon. I came to serious intrigue after the Youtube video was forced upon me yesterday. I googled her a bit and found this

Homely British singing sensation Susan Boyle has been offered $1 million to make a porn flick.

The plain Jane superstar with the spellbinding voice would have to lose her virginity on camera to earn the seven-figure payday from Los Angeles-based Kick Ass Films.

“We want to get this movie shot and out while Susan has the world’s attention,” said Kick Ass boss Mark Kulkis. “Besides, after 47 years of virginity, I’m sure Susan is also anxious to get something cracking as soon as possible.” …

If Boyle accepts the offer, the porn company will fly her out to Tinseltown on - you guessed it - Virgin Airlines.

this strengthen one of my many beliefs that as far as sex goes, looks are very important. No, it is not the usual chemistry, intelligence, personality and all other things romantic novels and Hollywood sell you. I’m ridiculously shallow when it comes to this kind of thing . My another belief is that everyone (guy and girls) is, too, shallow when it comes to this kind of thing, but I’m one of the few that can admit it. Sex is a physical thing. Guys, tell me the last time you jerked off to a girl’s thesis paper. Girls, tell me the last time you get an arousal from…reading my blog, [evil laugh] . You don’t get an orgasm out of someone’s brain or personality. You get out of “adult entertainment” materials in which girls showing-off their man-made wonders. Sure, there are emotions involved sometimes during sex, but that just some side-effect garbage that doesn’t actually exist.

I think, if ugly girls knew how much guys think about sex with beautiful women in any given day, they would all throw in the towel and become lesbian . Why men are that way is something out of human comprehension and beyond all rational thinking. No matter how much a guy tries to clear his mind, it keeps popping up like dumping a ball into water only to see it bounces up. To men, life revolves around orgasm and it’s sick. Sometimes, I feel sick myself. Sometimes, out of nowhere I think about celebrities I’d like to bed in the middle of a colleague’s presentation, places I’d like to do it, animals I’d like to…see at the zoo with a girl before I take her back to my apartment.

I can assure you, my dear female readers, that every hereterosexual guys share my feeling. They will read my words and mumble to themselves “yep, me too. Sad but true”. Girls probably read this and think “well…[sign] I should act like I am offended. I know he is right but I don’t want to face the awful truth. I am a girl and I’m incapable of accepting the truth when I like the lie better”. “You are disgusting, we are not just toys for your gratification”, that’s probably what girls will say. Females always get pissed when guys say this kind of thing because it degrades women. But we’re not degrading anyone, that’s just the truth. Is saying “elephants are big” degrading elephants?

One of the fantasies many girls are imprinted during childhood involves a man who loves them, and nothing else. Like Rhett Butler. That almost never comes true. Men love the sex equally. If you need proof, get married and the moment you get to the bed on your “first” night together, tell him that you decided to follow a life of celebacy and “as long as we have each other, we will be happy”. Your husband will spend an hour trying to convince you otherwise, but when all hope is lost, he’ll divorce you due to “irreconcilable differences” and that he doesn’t want kids.

Anyway, I talked too much already. Time for some movies. I’m wondering if I should dump the stocks I bought last week for some quick profit…

Hello friends, how are you doing?

-k

Bad memories...that made me stronger

May 1^st was my birthday. One of a few things I like to do on my birthday is to read my diary. I spent today’s afternoon going through it. This is what come out

• The death of a close relative
  My grandmother passed away a few years ago. She took care of me when I was a little infant (pure and cute). I couldn’t attend her funeral.
  
  Until you lose a close relative, someone who has cared for you, you never exactly lose the feeling of always being looked after, or the idea of a safety-net for you to fall back on when you mess up in life. You begin to think about death, and the fact that one day, you will have to face life alone.
  
• Failed relationships 
  
  What you learn: You get a real life experience of an universal rule about life and love. There is always one person who wants to be the relationship more than other. And everyone will, at some point in life, face with two relationships and be forced to make a choice – usually a stable person but boring and another who is volatile and constantly fascinating
  
• Getting kicked in a fight
  Happened when you meet someone who decides to beat the shit out of you for pure pleasure
  
  You get a clear understanding on why you need to learn to fight, i.e start going to the gym. Another corollary is a feeling of having to prove yourself. You gradually become vicious, dirty, aggressive, competitive fighter whose ego cannot handle losing, which is a good thing.
  
• Having personal interaction with the homeless and inmates.
  Back in college, we have a program where we’d drive to D.C and deliver necessities to homeless people. I also spent a semester teaching inmates computer skills.
  
  You get a true appreciation for how fortunate even the poor are. Having a place to sleep is a big deal. And the freedom to do what the hell you want is bigger. 
  
• Being betrayed or abandoned by a friend
  Which, btw, is a completely different animal from betrayal in a romantic relationship 
  
  You learned that every man is an island. There is probably one or two people who is truly intimate and worthy of trust. That’s not an exaggeration, (sure, I know you have 1000 facebook friends), that’s just the way things are. People fake affection to get things, and….you need to do that too. Hypocrisy is the currency of the world, it is the engine behind all non-sexual, non-family relationships.
  
• Having lived both in a 3^rd world country and 1^st world country
  
  What you learned is profound. Understand that history and inherited wealth is way more important than intelligence and hard work. The lottery of birth plays a huge role in your success in life. Intelligent and hard working people are not hard to find, especially in 3^rd world country, who also will die earlier, poorer than you. There is, in fact, nothing you can do about it, and there is, in fact, nothing they can do about it.
  
• Public humiliation
  When your reputation is shattered or you become a laughing stock for lot of people.
  
  You learn one of the most valuable lessons you can learn – ignore what people think. A distance from humanity that will not be bridged, an understanding that you don’t need people to like you to survive the world. In fact, it is a lot stressful if they don’t.
  
• Being depressed
  Everyone needs to break down at least once in their lives, preferably two or three. This is suicidally depressed, not my-girlfriend-left-me-for-a-richer-guy depressed. The full-on, mental-institution-auto-admit kind when people ask why you hasn’t feed the bird, which is now a pile of feathers in the corner of its cage. That’s kind of thing.
  
  The minute you get to the point when you know you could really kill yourself, as oppose to the self-pitying call-for-help fantasies people now put on their Facebook or YM’s status that many mistake for “suicidal”, it is a profound feeling. You are free, you have a way out, you worry less about deadlines, ambitions, or “chemical” consumption, and life feels more like an option than a prison.

years ago, I wrote another post on my 21 first birthday. I haven’t changed much.

Friends, how have you been?

-k