Read less, more TV

26

If there is one thing I learned in my first 25 years, it has completely escaped me. Though I've eaten some really good meals. I remember a few of them. Like the one on the street of Hanoi, mung-3 Tet 2009. I never had to fight in a war. That's good. I don't think I would like fighting. I've never killed anyone, as far as I know. 25 years, no killing. Pretty good, I think. I might be alive for as many as 75 more years. That's a long time. Of course, I might get deflated by a falling helicopter tomorrow on the road. One never knows. Well, I guess one knows in that last seconds, unless one doesn't see it coming. Some people are afraid of getting older. The way I see it, death is the only alternative. My thing, for the next 25 years, is going to be wisdom. Do you want some wisdom? I got some I'm ready to share.

First, I recommend that you go buy this book and….not read it. Burn it. It will feel great. It's symbolic.

For a while already, I have a belief that the name of the game of being an adult is to avoid to having to make a decision. If I have to ask myself to choose between a) or b), then I fear that I'm in trouble as an adult. Small and inconsequential decisions are fine. And it makes you look like you know what you are doing.

The trick is to turn the big decisions into small ones where nobody really cares. The difference between a big decision and a small one is if you have the option to reverse your course afterwards. Lucky for us, decisions can be made small by making sure that when you were wrong (oh. Fact: you will be wrong), you can always undo the damage later. The added benefit is that you get to be the one who realize he made a mistake and fix it.

Thus, the issue is reduced to just avoiding decisions that can't be undone, to avoid a corner from which you can't escape. The good news is that there are only very few ones that can not be undone. Most involves money. Since most of us (at least at this age) won't have the opportunities to waste a huge amount of coins on something we might not be able to repay, it's fairly easy to rewind in most cases. Just tell everyone that you are incompetent, say you are sorry and undo the worthless deed.

Some people have problem with this approach because of two reasons. One, admitting that you are an idiot is harder than it sounds. Appearance is important. Coming out in public to say that you are stupid is sometimes very hard indeed. Two, we might irrevocably lost the trust of our allies/friends. Again, "irrevocable" is what we are avoiding in the first place. However, both of these problems can be mitigated by just admitting before making any decisions that you have no clue,and you might be doing the wrong thing. We should reserve the right to change our mind, and make sure people very aware of our right. Understand that it's much easier to say that you are stupid when you haven't yet done the stupid thing. Thus, when your decisions really turn out to be stupid, people will be prepared.

That was one. Now another.

People. Most people are idiots, and being adult means you will have to deal with it, and perhaps more importantly, they have to deal with you. While it's easy to undo mistakes, personality disorders are another different department. They are not easy to undone. In most cases, you will have to live with theirs…. and yours.

Don't burn any bridges, bomb innocent civilians or alienate too many people. Alienating people is easy, un-alienating hard. The later immediately falls under the "irrevocable" section, hence a big NO-NO according the first maxim.

The rules are a) don't call people stupid. b) apologize when you forgot the first rule. The problem is that it's easy to violate the first rule because you can tell "you are an idiot" in million ways, occasionally not even realizing it, and usually with a confidence that you are right. And the more confidence that you are right (in fact, you can just anyone stupid, and you often will be right), the harder it is to apologize. To deal with this, one option is get really good at apologies.

(to be continued… I still have a few more.)

A friend of mine is in town. He is one of those *very few* that I would cancel my plans with my wife (hypothetically) to spend time with. It explains the infrequency of last week, and the coming one.

Hello friends, how are you?

-k

A beer with Tom Waits

I'm approaching another birthday in nine days. My hope is that I will learn to enjoy life better that I did. Until then, I'm doing the same things I've always done. What have I learned in those past 25 years? Something, I think. I've learned a few. When I sign now, I feel like I know what it means. It's best done softly, and privately, so as not to stir up the dust of my youthful confidence. I pause now in speaking, talk less in public, trying to convince myself that the next word is worth the effort (of both me and people who have to listen to me). I've learned that communication is still the only way to really communicate. It works sometimes but only if you do it.

I woke up this morning, staring up at the blankness of the ceiling. I don't know when I started doing that, but I don't think it has been long. You die when you go to sleep. Doctors don't tell you this because they don't want to scare you. Sleep equals death. Dreams are the test. If you pass the test, you come back to life and live another day. If you fail, your soul is lost and you morph into an extra in the dream of others. I've taken up this breathing exercise. I started it almost 25 years ago. As long as you do it, you will never die. In and out, in and out. It's easy.

I'm listening to Tom Waits singing "I hope that I don't fall in love with you". I admit he doesn't make a good first impression. The first time I heard his songs through a radio, my feeling was "what kind of voice is this? Is he drunk?". but if you are patient and give him a tiny part of your time, he might win you over. It helps if you are tipsy. Unless, of course, you are a soulless monster. Perhaps you are. I suppose some of you are. Listen to the words, not just the voice. Or don't. Be a monster. You are beyond my help.

Here are his songs:

Today I learned that I can throw my clothes in the dryer for about five minutes to get wrinkles out.

The more I look at the picture, the more amused I feel.

Hello, friends. How old are you?

-k

Atlas Shrugged

I went to see "Atlas Shrugged: Part 1" during the weekend. I think most people who read the book feel a sense of obligation to see the movie, no matter how unfriendly the reviews are. "Atlas Shrugged" was an important book to me because it defined most of who I was when I was in college. It was nice to go back to the memory lane and re-exam a few beliefs that I dearly hold back then: basically I was a selfish, arrogant prick. Maybe I still am, in a different, more tolerable configuration. Rand's philosophy is appealing to the ambitious and the egoism of the youth, it will take you for a tour of a different attitude toward the world and, if you are not careful, turn you into a different person. It's a book I think will benefit you if you read in your 20s. But a few years forward, you should be able to refute a few key ideas unless you are a soulless robot.

The moment I saw Tayler Schlling (who played Daggy Taggart) on the screen, I got the feeling when I first saw Zooey Deschanel. If one day she becomes a big star, remember you hear it from me first.

For most of us, the conclusion of anything – a project, an assignment, an attempt at a romantic quest, is like a wall. It is the end, nothing else to do, it's time to take the gains or losses and move on. Yet, there is a different way to look at the ends: an ending is not a wall but a door that leads us to our next enterprises. We are judged in this world by how well we bring things to an end. A bad ending can reverberate for years. There is an art in ending things well, knowing when to stop, never going too far that you exhaust yourself or create bitter enemies for the future. The worst way to end anything – a conflict, a business deal, a relationship – is slowly and painfully. Before entering any action, maybe it is beneficial to calculate the exit strategy because nothing ever really ends; how you finish something will have impacts and/or even determine your next endeavors. The only real ending is death; the rest is just a transition. Be nice to your ex, say nice things about her, tell people that "you wish her well" even if you wish she was in a well. See how well I just end this paragraph?

Last week, out of a morning hang over, I wrote about my attempt at Yoga. The reactions of my readers were unexpected. One gives me a hint that my corrupted mind interprets as regarding to the enormity of her upper organs. Another advised me a combination of yoga and "reading". Although I am trying to "read less, more TV" these days, the thought crossed my mind, and it still stays because it's awfully seductive. Is it because Yoga is feminine? I attempted knitting, maybe I should write about that too.

Hello friends, you are well, no?

-k

Redemption

It came to my attention that lately my writing has been seen as "oppressive to women". The remark came from a female reader who also admitted that she is taking a woman studies class at the time it was presented to me. As a cliché goes, when you have a hammer, it is tempting to treat everything as if it were a nail. That said, in the last couple days, I have spent sometimes thinking about a way to rebrand my image, to make this place somewhat more hospitable to those with slight exposure to feminism – a political movement that encourages women to become lesbians.

One idea is to build an app that helps boyfriends pretend to be thoughtful and caring. It could be automatically activated when it detected you are sending a message to your girlfriend and added "I'm sorry" at the beginning. You chump probably think that an apology is only needed when you have done something wrong. It's how uncaring boyfriends think. Thoughtful ones understand that there are only two possible situations. One: in trouble. Two: going into trouble/traps.

Let's say you are coming over and your girlfriend texts to ask you to get her some shampoo on your way because she is running out. Without my app, you assume there is nothing wrong. She loves you; you love her. All is good. But see how the app steers you toward the illusion of boyfriend thoughtfulness.

You: "I'm sorry baby, I should have noticed it yesterday that you were running out of shampoo"

Or

You: "I'm sorry, somehow I can't remember the brand you use even though I have seen it thousand times".

Without my app, you might accidentally text your actual thoughts. It might go for the following ways

You: "What brand do you use?"
Her: "What?"

Or

You: "I'm almost there. Maybe you can get it tomorrow when you go get your medicine at CVS"
Her: "What?"

Furthermore, the app can also add a feature to remind you when to compliment your girlfriend, and even suggest a safe way to do it so that you don't fall into traps like this

You: "You look so beautiful today?"
Her: "So I wasn't beautiful yesterday?"

A smarter one from the app shall goes like this

You: "Why do your friends look so old?"

What other features should the app include?

On the other hand, I wonder whether regular visitors think that the goal of my blog is just to be interesting and nothing else like I intend. It's not my goal ever to change anyone's opinion with my words online, mainly because I don't believe that human can be persuaded by better arguments, even if I had some. However I do believe that we benefit from exposures to ideas that are different from what we usually hear, even when the ideas are worse. That's what I'm after: just something different. I don't always write what I believe nor believe what I write and if I do sometimes happen to write what I think, it's often hidden among other things. I'm not moving anyone to my positions; as diversification is a good investment thesis, I think we can benefit with a diversified thoughts portfolio. For a moment, I hope the ideas are stimulating enough to be entertaining. In the long term, I believe good ideas come from people with broad exposure to different views.

Hello, friends. How are you?

-k

Yoga…

I had my first yoga session this week. Allow me to tell me how it went.

Like many of you (haha), I feel the obligation that to be considered an "educated", I have to keep up with the world and explore more serious interests. I heard good things about yoga. It's said to reduce stress and make you happy.

It didn't take long before I downloaded Yoga DVD instructions off the Internet and got ready for my first yoga session. I wanted to try it out to see if signing up for a class is a good idea.

I cleared my space and pressed "Play" button. A bare chested yoga dude appeared. He was at a beach; blue, beautiful ocean in the background. I frowned. That's cheating I think. I wouldn't need any yoga if I were at that place. Off to a negative first impression.

Soon I realized there is a flaw with the yoga-via-video learning method. In more than half of the time, my head was away from the screen, and I had to quickly go from pose to pose. This bugged me because if there is a right pose to reduce stress, and I has to be in a different position to see the screen, am I only making things worse? So now the yoga dude was four moves ahead of me. When he told me to inhale, I was halfway through an exhale and I had to fast forward to catch up. If proper breathing is a big factor in getting the most out of yoga, I don't know what to say.

Next, yoga dude lay down on his back and told me to bring my knee to my chest. My legs went as far as to a form a right angle to my torso and refused to go any further. When I glanced at the screen, yoga due was already rolled in a ball so small that I could toss him into my trash bin. I decided to skip and moved to the next pose. Yoga dude sit up and told me to put my head down to my knee. I was so determined to make this work, not matter how much it would hurt. I managed to get within the visual distance of my knees, but there was no way to reach them with my head. Now I remembered a conversation with a girl, who was recently unemployed and had plenty of free time. She bragged about her yoga ability to split and touch the knees with her head (yes, you). I felt like a yoga loser. I'm competitive; I was pissed.

When I was done with yoga dude, I went online and talked with a friend about it. She tried it once but she didn't think it was for her; all she got was a stretch. I told her I felt centered, calm and relaxed. I urged her to try it again, that "you'll get it".

That was a lie, but I needed a win. The funny thing is my claim to yoga nirvana made me feel good. I'm looking forward to my next yoga session.

Hello friends, how is your weekend so far?

-k

Do you read?

Isn't this pretty?

 

"Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You'll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She's the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That's the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She's the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she's kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author's making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce's Ulysses she's just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It's easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she's going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She'll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she's sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn't burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you're better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes."
— Rosemary Urquico

Don’t give up

If you feel uneasy by my previous post, this is when I tell you that it is NOT always advised to take words of a stranger on the Internet seriously.

The song is for you.

Don't Give Up

In this proud land we grew up strong
We were wanted all along
I was taught to fight, taught to win
I never thought I could fail

No fight left or so it seems
I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
Ive changed my face, Ive changed my name
But no one wants you when you lose

Dont give up
cos you have friends
Dont give up
Youre not beaten yet
Dont give up
I know you can make it good

Though I saw it all around
Never thought I could be affected
Thought that wed be the last to go
It is so strange the way things turn

Drove the night toward my home
The place that I was born, on the lakeside
As daylight broke, I saw the earth
The trees had burned down to the ground

Dont give up
You still have us
Dont give up
We dont need much of anything
Dont give up
cause somewhere theres a place
Where we belong

Rest your head
You worry too much
Its going to be alright
When times get rough
You can fall back on us
Dont give up
Please dont give up

got to walk out of here
I cant take anymore
Going to stand on that bridge
Keep my eyes down below
Whatever may come
And whatever may go
That rivers flowing
That rivers flowing

Moved on to another town
Tried hard to settle down
For every job, so many men
So many men no-one needs

Dont give up
cause you have friends
Dont give up
Youre not the only one
Dont give up
No reason to be ashamed
Dont give up
You still have us
Dont give up now
Were proud of who you are
Dont give up
You know its never been easy
Dont give up
cause I believe theres the a place
Theres a place where we belong

I hope you'll accomplish whatever you set out to do, friends. I really do.

-k

If you have a dream,

… then today I might destroy it.

Reality is defined by a series of limitation, the boundaries that we can't cross. We have only so much energy; so much food in the fridge and resources available to us; our skills and capacities can go so far. People who live in poverty are aware of their limits; they are forced to make the most of what they have. Necessity has a powerful effect on creativity.

The problem faced by those of us who live in abundance is that we lose a sense of limit. We imagine endless time at our disposal; we slowly drift further from reality. We believe on an endless source of energy to draw on, thinking we can get what we want simply by trying harder. We see everything as limitless – the goodwill of friends, the possibility of wealth and fame. A few more classes and books and we can extend our talents to the point where we become different people. Technology seems to make anything achievable.

Abundance makes us rich in dreams: in dreams there are no limits. But it also makes us poor in reality. It makes us soft and decadent, bored with what we have and in need of constant shocks to remind us that we are alive. That's why Facebook newsfeed don't show updates chronologically. Refresh Facebook ten times and the updates rearrange in nonsensical, anachronistic patterns. We don't refresh Facebook to follow a narrative; we refresh to see a change – not to read as much as to see. Yet, life requires realism. While others may find beauty in endless dreams, we should be aware of our limits, and make the most of what we have. There are things we can never do, talents we will never have, lofty goals we will never reach. Focus on what we have, the strength that we do possess and use them creatively.

We have limitations, our energies and skills will take us only so far. Danger comes from trying to surpass what you are capable; trying to chew more than you can bite. Seduced by the glittering prize into overextending ourselves, we end up exhausted and vulnerable. Know who you are, accept who you are, and be who you are.

On the other hand, I came across this via Facebook. I feel the new decade is a hell lot better than the last in many ways, mainly that slutting out isn't kept in closet and secret anymore, so we all get to benefit from hot chicks' desperate need of attention. Good times ahead…

Hello friends, how was your weekend?

-k